Whether a new flame or new buyer, there are five predictable phases of involvement: Stranger, Acquaintance, Friend, Lover, and Loyal Partner. As in dating, the laws of attraction, permission, trust, and commitment rule when it comes to successfully finding and keeping clients. Just as a cheesy pick-up line won't work on the dating scene, driving revenue takes thoughtfulness, strategy and mutual consent.

These rules apply in any buyer-seller relationship - whether you're selling in the marketplace, or inside your organization for buy-in on a major initiative. Large company, small or medium business, public agency or association, these dynamics ring true.

The Problem With Marketing and Sales

In our enthusiasm to make the score, we lose sight of the buyer. Your buyer wants to be warmed up, invited, respected - not stalked! This doesn't happen in a conversation or two, or even after one purchase. Too soon, too fast means it's not real, but more like a fleeting moment or worse, a one-night stand.

A second problem is we confuse the buyer with inconsistent, mixed signals. You launch a website, send sales letters, mail post cards, network, make calls, place ads, present, do proposals... but often without rhyme or reason to the sequence, timing and linkage between moving parts. This costs lots of money and creates volatile ups and downs in your sales cycle. You wonder what you're getting for your investment and end up disappointed and frustrated.

The third problem is when message and actions are not in your buyer's best interests. Smart buyers see right through the "lines" of a Player - someone who's only out for the score. I doubt that's how you want to be positioned in the marketplace, and it's certainly no way to build a business.

Your Relationship Funnel

In sales, a classic model is the "funnel", where you move a large number of prospects into the top, then qualify, present, and close on a smaller number as they "drip" out the bottom. In reality, it's not that simple or linear.

Now consider your Relationship Funnel. If you can turn heads and catch their eye, buyers start out as Strangers at the top of this funnel. Hold their attention, engage them in conversation, and they become an Acquaintance but nothing more. Acquaintances might window shop for months before becoming Friends.

As Friends, your buyer might make a small commitment - like invest more time in getting to know you (a call, a meeting) or be ready for a small first step. Assuming they like and trust what they see, some Friends become Lovers. They buy more and repeatedly, yet a taller better-looking competitor could come by and sweep them off their feet. Only when your buyer commits to you as the best and only solution for them long term, do you earn the right to be Loyal Partners.

This is a more realistic perspective of your buyer's journey. Buyers must feel confident to move forward on their terms, not yours. You can't make your buyer go faster to the next level... as in dating and love, you must go willingly, together.

Buyers progress when given time and space to get to know you. They must trust you can solve their problems. They want evidence you understand their unique situation, that you know what you're doing, and that you have their best interests in mind. It takes time, care and feeding. This is an all-hands-on-deck approach, drawing on your entire organization's attention and talent.

Happily Ever After

Here are the steps to happily ever after:

Step 1: Create your Relationship Funnel.
How will you turn Strangers' heads? How will you move them to Acquaintance, all the way to Lover and beyond? What about leaks? Not all buyers progress. How many frogs must you kiss before finding true love? With proper assumptions and metrics, you can predict hard numbers for each stage.

Step 2: Instead of tactics, think integrated system.
Whether through websites, networking events, advertising, or tradeshows - there's a specific and predictable path, based on buyer behavior at each level. The model, "marketing generates leads and sales takes it from there" is very limiting. Both functions must be involved all the way.

Step 3: Coordinate online and offline touches.
What you do offline to attract and progress buyers must dovetail with what happens online. Everything's coordinated, on message, and with a clear next step. With endless ways to set this up, keep it simple and be consistent.

Step 4: Instill a marketing culture.
Most marketing and sales initiatives overlook and underestimate the internal consensus building and alignment required for success. How will you coordinate everyone to help buyers through your Relationship Funnel, considering the classic disconnects, turf wars and silos inherent in even the smallest of organizations? The larger you are, the more complex this gets.

In a worthwhile relationship, you can't rush something good. If it's all about you, you won't get past first base and your buyer will be looking for the door. If this sounds like a lot of work, you're right. But consider the payoff: a steady stream of rock solid, long lasting business that enriches everyone over time.

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Marketing educator, Kelly O'Brien, is creator of the "Create a TurningPointe!" Marketing Bootcamp. To learn more about this step-by-step program, and to sign up for FREE how-to articles and 20-page marketing guide, visit http://www.turningpointemarketing.com.